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Four Hours of CBT [Jun. 4th, 2012|11:50 pm]
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I started this up on FB earlier at the beginning of a four-hour CBT session. I was giving updates on how our client and the staff was doing with a special session and thought I'd share my notes here:

12:15pm: We have a charming 70yo Southern gent in today who believes he'll be able to last three hours with Ms Vylette and a fourth hour with Vylette and Quinn together. His scene just began with airsoft pellets to the groin.

12:20pm: She (Vylette) also had the rubber band six shooter out. If you load it right, it's an 18 shooter.

1:00pm: Vylette just came into the office to find some tweezers. She's pulling out his pubes. She was grinning. We get paid for this and that is SO ossim.

1:10pm: He's from sea level. That's going to make it even more impressive if he can go the distance. And all he wants is CBT, if I remember right. BA HA HA HA HA!

Speaking of which, I should order more staples.

2:10pm: He's made it two hours so far. Not even screaming.

2:45pm: Two hours and forty-five minutes! Damn!

3:00pm: Ding! Annnnd Miss Quinn jumps into the ring with a tray of urethral sounds made of ice! And Ms Vylette is doing a corona stapling! Olé! Opa!

3:15pm: He is TOUGH!

3:20pm: Ha. Stun gun got him yelling. Still no safe word. Quinn & Vylette are merciless.

3:38pm: ‎22 minutes to go. He's going to have to soak his junk in an iced epsom salt bath.

3:42pm: OH dear! A staple tore out and now he's bloody but still hanging in there. I'm giving him an ice cream bar before he leaves.

I gotta go watch.

3:50pm: Lordy lord, but they have done me proud. He's a mangled, happy mess. We're sitting him down with water and ice cream and sending him out with a bag of epsom salts. What a champ! He did it! Crowd goes wild!

4:00pm: How cute! He needed a second ice cream bar!

4:10pm: I'm impressed. FOUR HOURS of CBT! Damn.

All Hail Vylette. All Hail Quinn. And especially All Hail the CBT World Champion.

In aid of Google hits: MsVylette, Pavlovia Denver, Miss Quinn
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Party Time! Excellent! [Jun. 1st, 2012|12:55 pm]
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Bah. Grocery shopping for tonight's party. We're expecting a bigger crowd than usual, which is ossim because hey, RENT needs ta git PAID. I just have to decide what to bring or make. I don't usually make stuff, but I'm feeling like it might not kill me to peel and chop and do kitcheny stuff. I dunno. Maybe I can make a BIG batch of curried chicken salad, except it could be a problem for people who are allergic to nuts. Which means I could make one batch with and one batch without. I think I just said all that outside my head. Luckily, I'm such a fascinating person, everyone hangs on every word of mine like they were pearls shit out from the sphincters of the gods, so I could go all fillibustery on your collective buttockses and start quoting the lyrics to campfire songs or copy/paste recipes for the hottest appetizers of the 1950s or OW! WHO SHOT ME? That kinda hur
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The dribs, the drabs. [May. 31st, 2012|12:57 pm]
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I converted a friend to Moscow Mules, which have ginger beer (non-alcoholic) and vodka in them. She got curious when she offered to buy me a drink at a burlesque show a few weeks ago and I didn't want one because then I wouldn't be able to savor the aftertaste of the Moscow Mule I'd had elsewhere before I met up with her.

This site is great for glutards. I was reading through it on my phone while I was sitting at Jerusalem restaurant recently and cheering quietly to myself on just about every post. http://wheniwentglutenfree.tumblr.com/

Stuff from FB:

- I've got a lot of fuzz growing on my head for no apparent reason and it feels weird and looks weird. I have flecky little hairs growing in the eyebrow area. No sign of eyelashes or nose hairs. I'm not sure what my body thinks it's doing, but it's freakin weird. Looks odd, too. I'm curious why it started fuzzing up all the sudden. I'm on a new med, not counting pain killers post-surgery. I do NOT want to be on a grow in/fall out rollercoaster, but eyelashes would be pretty damned nice to have again.

- Long nap, tummy full of sushi, stopped in at the Crypt for a look around and a chat. I like the new dental gags with head straps on them.

- Sitting in a theater watching "Small, Beautifully Moving Parts". I'm the onnnnly one in here. I wish i'd brought a pillow and a blankie.

- Nalo Hopkinson put out another book when I wasn't looking. I may die. And Margaret Atwood has a documentary coming out. Two bootyshakers in one day. Three, counting Betty's cooking.

- My stitches come out... tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrowwww, they'll be gone! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! No stitches! Tomorrow! It's only a dayyyy awayyyyy!

- I tapped Banzai lightly on the butt in the wee hours. He was hogging up about a third of the bed and I couldn't get comfy. "Could you go sleepy on your own bed, please?" He stood up, stepped off the big bed, and curled right up on his own bed. It was as if he understood the full sentence completely. And then he complied without any fuss.

In slightly less mind-blowing Banzai news, we shared an orange last night at dinner.

Wilbur's so adorable. I woke him up when I was walking past him on the way back from the bathroom early in the morning. I stroked his head and told him everything's ok, go back to sleep, and he put his head right down and closed his eyes.

J made ribs over the weekend. He did rubs and all sorts of fancy stuff and both the dogs tried to double-team him into starting them a day before he planned to. They kept going to the fridge and going to the grills and looking at him like, "Well? What's the holdup?"

- Three minor male children were donated for slave labor yesterday. I used them to scoop 8-9 bags of dog poop and yard scrapins like sticks and leaves and crud. I paid them in ice cream and taught them "Pete and Re-Pete were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?" They seemed satisfied with the working conditions and compensation package.

- Stitches awwwwl gawwwn. The doc was amazed at how well I'm healing. He kept looking at me like I was up to some kind of shenanigans and exclaiming over how incredibly not swollen my foot is and how great the wound is healing and how there won't even be a scar six months from now. And he kept looking at me like there was something really weird about how well I was healing. Should I have told him I'm 1/4 vampire on my mother's side? Everybody knows how quickly vampires heal.

If I was half-blood or even full vampire, I would probably have started healing before the surgery was over, but then again, I doubt I wouldn't have gotten a buggered up nerve in my foot in the first place. I'm guessing the undead don't have to deal with that sort of thing.

- The hotness of Miss Quinn http://www.aarkey.info/babble/images/MsQuinn-Smoking-2012-05-set.jpg

And for google stuff, Pavlovia Denver, MsSaskia, Mistress Saskia, Lady Inanna, Ms Vylette, Miss Tulsi, Miss Mina.
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Where is My Mind? [May. 23rd, 2012|10:09 pm]

I've been off my computer for a week or two, mostly posting to Facebook and Fetlife from my phone. I had foot surgery and was laying down a LOT. Now I'm doing amazing things, like sitting and walking and today I even drove a car and did not kill anyone or myself thereby.

So. Here's the short-attention-span stuff that's been going up on FB for the past week-ish, earliest posts first. Adoring fans, here's some fan kibble. Bear in mind that some of these posts were made under the influence of painkillers and also, not everything was posted on Facebook cuz I just decided to fill in some stuff I forgot to post about before:

- I got to go see burlesque at a dyke bar tonight with some friends. That was pretty cool. I hardly coughed at all. I also met up earlier with some other friends at Pints and had a ginger beer with vodka in it. ::smacks lips::. It was so tasty, I didn't want a drink at the dyke bar because it wouldn't be ginger beer with vodka.

- I'm surprisingly happy that so many people at the fat chick clothing swap went away with so many of the things I'd brought. I must've emptied out half my closet and it was so cool to see people trying on things I can't or just don't wear anymore, seeing how great the outfits looked on them, and seeing them go away happy. And I got a new (to me) dress and some comfy long shorts. Woo! Thank you, Shanna Katz, for hosting.

- I'm so ready to have my foot fixed. I feel like a horse that needs shoeing.

- "The Italian chick in the Abarthe commercial is insanely, ridiculously hot." Captain Obvious

- If surgery on my foot Wednesday doesn't mitigate or obliterate the pain in my leg, I'm going to be confused and annoyed and, uh, still hurting for no a parent sneason. Which will suck. I am very tired of my body finding exciting new ways to glitch. I'm capable of amusing myself in other ways.

- Bones on 7th and Grant has pretty good (delicious) soup, but their Vietnamese coffee is an experience to be assiduously missed. Duck and roll if they bring it near you.

- I need to get off my butt and make some playlists on my ipod. I have a client who hates rap and I think the ipod can tell. It almost never plays rap unless they're here.

- Black lingerie used to be the epitome of seductive elegance, to me. Now it's just underwear that matches my outfit.

- Stuck in my head. Get it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEU_5lVjRFQ

- I've been a good grownup today. I was half an hour early to work AND I had breakfast for me and a smoothie for Mina. I did grocery shopping so I'd have the last few things I'll need for the next several days post-surgery, I gave a woman with a lot of grocery bags a ride home. I filled my tank alllll the way up with gas. I went to the bank and made a deposit and got change for the cash box for Friday's party. I got sheets changed. I got groceries put away. I called ALL the involved parties for tomorrow's surgery and found out who's already been paid and who still needs to be paid and how much and when I'm going to have to get prescriptions filled and what I can and can't eat and when I can and can't eat it. Talked to the anaesthesiologist. Processed some emails. What else... got nuts to take with me so I will have something to eat besides the crackers they usually give people afterwards.

I'm going to have to take the polish off the nails of both of my feet, even though they're only slicing open one of them. Ain't no way I can walk around with just one set of toes polished.

And now, it's a waiting game. ::cue sinister music::

- Jeff's making a bunch of chicken thighs on the grill so I'll have easy protein to snatch outta the fridge for a few days. The neighbor is dropping very big hints about how great it smells and how he sure does like Jeff's BBQ. Back off, fucker. That shit's all mine.

- I got to watch my surgery. Most of it, anyway. I drew arrows on two of my toes pointing to the spot where the cutting was supposed to happen. I was glad I did because every person on the medical staff BUT the surgeon asked me which foot they'd be working on. The anesthesiologist was able to turn me on and off like a light switch so I could watch the parts I wanted to watch (Spock foot, nerve coming out) and be out for the parts I didn't want to deal with (having big needles jammed deep into my foot).

- I haven't taken any percocets yet. The pain doesn't seem to have kicked in. Maybe I'll go all Doomsday prepper and hang on to them so I'll have barter items when the apocalypse hits. Or if it's a nuclear winter sitch, take them all at once, cuz I don't have a good nuclear winter jacket.

- Having the unfair advantage of not being alive, Percocet was able to outwait me. It will not win the constipation battle, though, because I just ate a huge bowl of veggies and some tuna salad. Try to keep me from pooping, will you? Prepare to learn what failure tastes like. Hint: it tastes like poop.

- I'm about to read my first Tananarive Due. My expectations are set on stun.
I'm liking her already. There's a cat named Teacake, which is a nod to one of my favorite books (Their Eyes Were Watching God) by one of my favorite writers (Zora Neale Hurston). I am bracing myself for excellence.

- I am completely done being butch about the painkillers. I am, however, going to have to remember that eating a yogurt cup does not constitute a 'full stomach'.

- Having to stay off my feet is getting reeeeally boring. Walking HURTS and the wound is still bleedy. Entire foot, top *and* bottom, is one big bruise. Bitch moan whine kvetch complain gripe. Glad I have books and games and can do some computer-based work on my phone.

- I have the gait of the average zombie. And the attitude.

- I'm catching up on a few episodes of Nurse Jackie. What the flying fuck kind of orange monstrosity maternity thingy is Dr British Chick wearing in the dream sequence? It's like a super ruffly pumpkin. It looks very expensive and very weird. I love it. I hate it.

- My 13yo niecephew came out to his mom and dad as bi today. They're beside themselves with glee that he told them and promised (per his request) that if they couldn't get him to Pridefest this year, his aunty would take him. He's also some flavor of genderqueer, which is going to be absolutely fascinating to help/watch him explore. Can't wait to get him to Rainbow Alley.

- O Vicodin! How I love thy non-constipational properties and thy ability to take the muhfunn edge off.

- Kenzi just said 'reverse cowgirl' on "Lost Girl". I know what that is from being on escort boards. I did not expect to hear it on a very bad fantasy/scifi show. And then I heard it again on an episode of "Archer". Less of a surprise there.

- I keep thinking there should be a service that delivers stuff like massages and oral sex and superb handjobs. I wonder what that'd look like and then it hits me: escorts. Duh. I mustve taken naps in loosely closed plastic bags as an infant.

- My friend Amberkatt posted this for me, and I love it:
*A Morning Song To Cheer You Up*

O Sozzlebee, O Sozzlebee,
I hope your sore foot's healing!
O Sozzlebee, O Sozzlebee,
I hope your sore foot's healing!
They cut the nerve, and sliced the skin,
and poorly sewed it back again.
O Sozzlebee, O Sozzlebee,
I hope your sore foot's healing!

- Banzai actually thanked J for a treat today. The treat was a hamburger. He's so spoiled, he's been spitting out dog biscuits. He holds out for the good stuff.

- Every time I look at my toes sticking out of the gauze and wrap, I think somehow some indigo fabric dye bled into my skin. Then I realize it's just the bruising. It is an alarming color.

- Banzai did a smart. I was eating watermelon with a friend. He loves watermelon, but the slices need to be fairly thick for him to be able to move them around. He was having trouble with a piece, so I picked it up and held it by the rind for him. Instead of trying to take it from he, he immediately recognized that I was trying to help him and nibbled at the melon while I held it. He does not get enough credit for thinking on his paws sometimes.

- J asked Wilbur yesterday to come outside and get brushed. Wilbur came into the bathroom where I was. J asked him if he wanted a bath. Wilbur walked back out of the bathroom very quickly. J asked, "Bath or brush?" Wilbur looked at the brush, then led the way to the door to the yard. Definitely brush.

- Thanks to the person who sent this to me. Not sure if he/they want to be tagged or not in a NSFW post: http://www.sm-wohnmoebel.com/start/start/startseite.html

- "I agree to the fisting, but I'd really like to claim your ass." Awwww, yeah. http://www.jest.com/video/174214/gilbert-gottfried-reads-fifty-shades-of-grey

- What's for dinner: Chicken, yellow bell pepper, zucchini, macadamia nuts sauteed in olive and sesame oil with gf tamari and crushed red pepper.

- Tananarive Due has, among other titles, four books in a series. I got the first one on kindle a few days ago for about $10. I went to get the second one last night and it was $38 on kindle. Say WHAT? The third and fourth are $9.99, but the second is $38. I'll be looking it up on Amazon's used books, cuz fuck that.

- I saw "Smoke Signals" was on tv earlier, already in progress, and when I clicked to it, it was right at my favorite part where they sing "John Wayne's Teeth". Adam Beach is always good eye candy, but the guy who played Thomas really made the whole movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPnV2392Tck
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(no subject) [Apr. 24th, 2012|10:32 am]
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From Facebook posts of the past few days:

- (While in SLC) This Cymbalta test drive is crashing. I suddenly have a ton of stomach acid and the constant nausea from that is ridonculous. If I'm supposed to double the dose next week, it'll be bad. So I'm not taking it tomorrow, since it's making me miss out on conference fun tonight. Left a msg for my doc. Googling indicates this is a common side-effect. Fuk dat.

- I'm having so much more fun in SLC at RMOL now that my stomach isn't jacked up. Both of our classes went well and we got great volunteers. Gonna take another Lew Rubens class tomorrow. Total sweetheart.

- I had an orgasm when one of the RMOL (Rocky Mountain Olympus Leather) volunteers started scratching my back. He was really, really good at back scratching. I had an orgasm once from a friend sucking my armpit at a bar. I've had them from biting into very good sushi. I've had them from watching fire spinners/breathers. I've had them in fountains when the water has hit my chest with a big thump. I had one once from getting my toes sucked. Another time when my boy dropped to his knees and told me I was beautiful (we'd been having sex all weekend and my system was flooded with endorphins already). I've had them mannnny times from lighting people on fire. I've had one when spanking someone to tears and she crawled into my lap, sobbing, and asked for more. I've had them while slapping people in the face, electrocuting them, delivering brutal spankings and whippings, from doing blood play with people annnnd... yeah.

- Bought an elastrator at a farm/ranch supply store in Evanston. Aw yeah. $12.99! We initially went in to shop for some rope. The guy who was there to cut off lengths of rope wanted to know what i'd be using it for. "Arts and crafts." He didn't know what macramé was and probably didn't understand why I tied my own wrist up and then left the store with an elastrator and a large metal stick.

- J told me how Wilbur waited for me by the back door while I was away. I asked Wilbur if he waited for Mama on the rug (in the back hall) while I was gone and he walked over to a spot on the rug, stood there a moment, then came back to talk some more. J confirmed that was the spot he'd laid down for most of the weekend. Smart Wilbur, showing me where he'd waited.

- Got all the equipment unpacked from the weekend and am starting on packing for the next. I'd like to print out a page with male genital physiology to pass out. I need a damned printer that works.

- Poop or masturbate. Masturbate or poop. It occurred to me while pondering my choices that I have several friends who would not see the need to choose one or the other when simultaneity is not only possible, but preferable.

- Heard back from my doctor. She wants me to continue the Cymbalta, but take Prilosec for the stomach acid. And take it on a full stomach. Oy. The Cymbalta is $35/month. The Prilosec is approx $20/month. This shit had better be worth it.

- The dogs just raced into my office together to tell me something. Wilbur was leading the way. I asked them what they wanted. Wilbur licked his lips. "You want food?" Wilbur gave his 'hell yeah' head shake and they turned around to let me follow them out. They also conned me into some treats since I was in the kitchen anyway.
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Ask the Expert [Apr. 20th, 2012|05:31 am]
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The neighbor kids were asking me last week what breeds Wilbur and Banzai are. I told them that Wilbur is part chow and part pendejo. Their eyes went all big and they giggled and looked at each other. And what is Banzai? Banzai is part Akita and part cabron. More giggling. Then they wanted to know if it is true - and they'd been waiting for an opportunity to ask a real dog expert - that if you watch a dog pooping, you'll get warts on your eyes. I told them yes, it's true, which is why I wear glasses: to block the poop rays that cause warts. There was silence for a minute while they studied my face and then Chuy, the middle sibling, called bullshit, ever-so-politely. I told him he was right, and that watching a dog poop just makes you weird. They thought that was reasonable.

Pilar started telling me about her 16yo horse at her aunt's house. I asked her if she talks to it, because at 16, it's probably very very smart. She was shocked. You can talk to horses? I told her of course, you can talk to any animal. You just have to get to know it. Then they wanted to know if all animals understand English and Spanish. I told them no, it all depends on what you use when you're talking to them.
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Go go go go go [Apr. 20th, 2012|05:25 am]
I'm up. I'm awake. I woke up at 1am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I'm hoping I'll be able to sleep in the car. I'm packed three or four different ways. There's a cooler with grilled chicken and cheese and grapes and protein bars and sugar peas, and a case of vitamin water. I got my happy pillow and a soft blankie. I put some CDs of weird shit (including William S Burroughs' spoken words set to music) together to irritate my travelling companions, although maybe they'll like it. I'm hungover and have learned a valuable lesson, which is that I am too damned old and feeble to be hitting a bong unless it's the size of a matchbook. I'm fed. I've had me tea and it were lovely. I washed body parts that tend to get smelly and brushed those that tend to get plaquey. I've splained to Wilbur that Mama's gonna be gone for one two three sleepies. He's pouting. I delinted my GWAR hoodie. I'm READY, dammit!

Road trip road trip road trip road trip WOO.
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Fuck You Very Much! Cha-CHING! [Apr. 19th, 2012|12:08 pm]
I like reading http://www.dooce.com. I got hooked on the http://www.dooce.com/daily-chuck/2012/04/19/puppy-nose Daily Chuck (shots of her dog, who poses for treats) and I also enjoy her writing about nothing in particular. She has a good sense of humor and talks openly about depression. She appears to be earning a hell of a good living as a blogger, which is mystifying because I'm old enough to not quite get how that's possible (advertisers, yeah yeah, but still). I don't love every little thing about it, I don't identify with every little thing, but I don't have to. It's human, she keeps it pretty real (and occasionally delightfully rude and raunchy) without using it as a platform to shit on people she doesn't get along well with and ... did I mention the dog pics? Cuz those rock. Especially this one http://dooce.com/daily-chuck/2009/02/11/family-recipe.

Anyway. She gets a lot of hate mail. People get ridiculously personal and nasty and work pretty hard at trying to say things that'll hurt her. She turned the hate mail she gets into the kind of "Fuck you, I'm RICH, bitches!" that I can absolutely appreciate, and it makes me both envious of the money she's earning as a blogger and very grateful that I'm not famous. She posts all her hate mail on one section of her blog, which is shared by allllll the advertisers that pay her. You can't read the hate mail without seeing all the ads. Fuckin brilliant. Go, Heather. http://dooce.com/hate/

PS - She notes that any money earned from the ads on the 'hate' pages goes straight to charity. Kick ass.
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More Deeply Fascinating Snippets [Apr. 18th, 2012|06:24 pm]
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Bet you were on the edge of your seats thinking, "Oh, I can't WAIT til Saskia reposts stuff from her Facebook!" Could your day get any better? NO WAY!

- Wilbur and Banzai got beef rib bones tonight. Wilbur ate his, then wanted to talk and talk and talk about it. I think he likes talking about treats as much as he likes eating them.

- I told Wilbur a secret about 10 minutes ago. I whispered, "When J's done working, he's going to take you and Banzai for a walk!" He looked up at me with his eyes wide and tail wagging. He looked over at J, then back at me. "*After* he's done and Mama is sleepy. But don't tell Banzai! It's a secret!" He gave a quiet pant and stayed still, except to move further back into the shadows of my office where Banzai couldn't see him from where he was standing. Usually, if Wilbur finds out a walk is imminent, he'll get excited and bounce off the walls. This time, he stayed quiet til J turned off the computer and got Banzai's leash. He's good at keeping a secret from Banzai.

- Midol and Dayquil. I'm partying like it's 1979.

- I'm enjoying the hell out of the "Wool" sci fi series by Hugh Howey. I got it as a free "rental" on Kindle for their one-month free trial period for premium services. It has female characters in key roles, and they're smart, strong, competent-to-excellent, leaders and engineers and computer techs who are focused on their jobs and communities. He doesn't use romantic intrigue as a primary plot propellant and he tells an interesting dystopian story where women are just people doing interesting things, no big deal. I wish Heinlein or even Niven or Ellison could have done that. It's nice to read a story, written by a man, where women aren't just girlfriends, waitresses, scored points, or fetishized for supposedly anomalous brains or skill. Go, Hugh Howey!

- I was just thinking of some of the strange, brilliant, fascinating and wonderful people I've known in my life, that I'm fortunate to be able to be close to, and the ways they've shaped me. Who have you known that you tell barely-believable stories about, that you feel lucky to have known and loved?

- I'm trying to rest up so I won't be sick during the SLC trip this weekend, but lying in bed is boring me stupid and isn't going to make the Bleeding O' the Crotch or the Clogging O' the Sinuses end any sooner. Nor would hitting people repeatedly.

- Banzai's getting his daily bark frenzy on. Mailman must be out there. Wilbur doesn't even go check to see wussup when Banzai's hollering his fool head off about the bad man who touches our mailbox.

- There needs to be a posolé delivery truck like there's ice cream trucks. They could have ceviche, too, for really hot days. I'd go out there, chase after it for a block while waving my special red posolé bucket, and give the cranky posolé abuel@ some money to count while I limp back home with a full bucket and a little baggie with shredded cabbage and radish slices. Yeah. And some motherfuckin chilled horchata in a paper cup.

- Que es mas malo? Paying $8.50 for a single bowl of posolé or making a big pot of it that I won't be able to finish eating by Friday?

- In other news, I got a bunch of cake candles for a client I have today. Gonna stick them in needle hubs and go all crazy with fire and needles and wax and probably blood. Should get messy. I also picked up a couple of packages of flash cotton that I'll need to process this week to take to SLC for my fire play class. I do not have the attention span to mess with that stuff very often. The kid that sold it to me said he recently found out by surprise that the longer you let it dry, the bigger the flash is. Good to know.

- "Always be kind and polite and have the materials to build a bomb." Tom, Being Human
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Random-ish Stuff [Apr. 10th, 2012|01:26 pm]
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I've been doing most of my short attention span posts over on Facebook, but feel disloyal to LJ, so I'm going to copy and paste some recent FB posts here for your amoooozmunt:

- I am sucking *badly* at Zelda-The Ocarina of Time for Nintendo 3DS. I didn't even realize how badly I was sucking til I pulled up some YouTube walkthroughs and realized that people are expected to have gotten the freakin ocarina before they get to the Lost Woods. Where's the damned ocarina? I am not looking forward to having to learn to play it to solve puzzles/pass levels, but not having it appears to not be an option. This is one of the rare times when I regret not having children. They'd be in college by now and would surely be willing to put down the bong long enough to help their dear old mum out with the beginning levels of Zelda. And then they could blog about what a sweet-yet-dysfunctional anachronism I am. But nooo, I had to go and choose not to contribute all my special genes to the gene pool. And now I'm fucked but good on Zelda.

- What I think about The Hunger Games: Lenny Kravitz could've used waaaay more gold eyeliner. Also, the heroine should've hunted down those other evil bastards instead of hiding. But I would've been happy with more eyeliner and maybe just a little lingerie on La Kravitz.

- Wilbur stumbled over a curb over a storm drain last night and started to slide backwards into it. He stopped his slide, but was holding up his right knee, refusing to put weight on it. I knew he couldn't have blown out his ACL twice in the same knee, but he didn't know that. It was pretty tense with car headlights coming over the hill and him just sitting there, butt in a storm drain, refusing to move or be moved, but I finally got him to move not by coaxing, but by pushing a panic button: "Hurry, Wilbur! Cars are coming! We have to run!" It worked. He stopped thinking about whether his knee was busted again and conditioning took over. He was up and only limping a little, but he made it across the street.

It reminded me of a scene in "Tampopo" where a dying woman's family got her to hang on a little bit more by telling her they were hungry and wanted dinner right away. She got up, scurried to make food, and... It's a good movie and was the first time I became aware that Japanese were capable of self-deprecating humor (and humor, period). Netflix that shit.

Wilbur's not even limping today.

- I'm going to try to schedule foot surgery for as early in May as I can get. I understand healing takes about three weeks. That doesn't sound like much, but I suspect it means no driving, which means no going to work, which means getting dungeon sitters. It's a good thing I do well with lots of quiet time.

- I'm going to try to schedule foot surgery for as early in May as I can get. I understand healing takes about three weeks. That doesn't sound like much, but I suspect it means no driving, which means no going to work, which means getting dungeon sitters. It's a good thing I do well with lots of quiet time.

- pretty game: http://neovers.com/gamepage.php?gameid=1

- I could murder a big bowl of fettucini Alfredo. I would motorboat it, dive in, do the backstroke, give it a rimjob *and* a creamy trombone, and then I'd kill it inch by inch with tooth and fork and leave its greasy husk in a ditch off a dirt road.

- Wilbur and Banzai were neck/head-knocking each other this morning. They reminded me of seals having neck wrestling matches. I said, 'You guys are FUNNY!' and they both gave me an emphatic yes headshake.

- A client who's a resident in an assisted living facility with a fixed income wants to schedule a session. He has some communication quirks, but has been polite and respectful and seems clear on what he'd like to try. He did say something rude (about not getting to see any nipples) to another domme at the slave party, but has been fine otherwise. I feel bad taking money from someone with so little, but it's not my job to set someone else's budget priorities, either. (update - he failed to schedule)

- I am not competing for the Ms Jewish World title. I keep having interactions with Jews who are eager to point out the ways I'm not *really* Jewish, not Jewish enough, etc. It's not a contest and there's no prize. I found out a little over a year ago that my mom's side of the family is Jewish. My mom didn't know. Her sisters didn't know. I think it's cool that we had this ethnicity and nobody (but Grandma) knew, but FFS, I'm not vying for acceptance or recognition. Neither am I the enemy. I'm an atheist, I'm not anti-Semitic, and I'm also not completely ignorant of Jewish culture and history. So there. Bitches.

- Podcast with me and Vylette chatting with a couple of other women (like Jane of www.JanesInfiniteWisdom.com) about sex work and feminism http://www.sharppointyobjects.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/2012-03-25-SPO-Episode-4.mp3

- And.... Ms Mina, Ms Vylette and I will all be at Rocky Mountain Olympus Leather in Utah next weekend, presenting workshops and partying it up. The following weekend, Ms Mina and I will be at Beyond Leather in Florida, presenting workshops and partying it up. Hoo rah.
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